"Am I a Monster?"

Photo by M Barrett Miller

Am I a Monster?

On a daily basis we are hearing, and reading, more about the suicide rate in the military.
In addition to those dismal statistics it has become mainstream news that many people returning from one, or multiple tours, from Iraq or Afghanistan, are coming home broken.
Many face challenges beyond their abilities to cope.
Many find family relationships frayed beyond repair.
Many cannot find employment.
More are showing up on the streets homeless and lost.
Many are wandering around inside their heads trying to avoid the message that they became a monster over there.

Paul, a Seattle resident, faced the fury of the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese when they swooped down on the South Vietnamese, American and allied troops on 20 January 1968, forever know as the Tet Offensive.
Paul was part of the intensive fighting around Huế that lasted a month.
It concluded when the city was destroyed, as the Communists were executing thousands.
Paul spent another seven months slogging through the muck in pursuit of the VC.
After his tour, and a rotation back to Pendleton, he left the Marines in hopes of putting it all behind him.
He never did-
Paul spent the rest of his life getting high and incredibly drunk whenever he could. He couldn’t hold a regular job so he honed his skills working with stone. He was good at molding boulders to his will in the most amazing ways. His talent brought him work, as his addictions burned up the money.
His relationships were destroyed.
His kids avoided him.
Four trips to 21-day rehab clinics did nothing.
He couldn’t find any peace.
He couldn’t stop drinking.

As the years passed his military service became more irrelevant.
The monster that his inner voice created only quieted when he was out cold in an alcohol daze.
1968 might as well have been when the dinosaurs roamed.
Paul was irrelevant.
Paul was alone.
Paul was dying inside.
Iraq and Afghanistan got all the news. 
Paul had a very difficult time talking about his experiences beyond clipped words that slipped out half way down the bottle of Jack.
He knew I knew, so not a lot had to be said.
He experienced what I had not, but he knew I knew.
We hung out quite a bit.

Paul’s reactions, and integrations of his experiences, are not all that unique to many I know, or knew, who fought in Vietnam.
Many returned to live out “normal” lives.
Many did not.
Many still deal with the stink of the jungle and all it brought to their young souls.

Paul died of guilt.
Sure, his liver was shot from years of booze.
The docs also blamed Agent Orange, though that may have been to give him some last day coverage and lesson his deathbed shame.
His family had gathered around his hospital bed though he may have never known it, as he never opened his eyes those last few days.
Paul was a good guy broken by more than he could ever carry.

Today’s story, carried by the AP, is the truth, whether we want to accept it or not.

“… WASHINGTON (AP) 22 FEBRUARY 2013 –A veteran of the wars of Iraq and Afghanistan, former Marine Capt. Timothy Kudo thinks of himself as a killer – and he carries the guilt every day.
“I cant forgive myself,” he says. “And the people who can forgive me are dead.”

I’m sorry Paul that there was no cure for you and no relief from your guilt.
I miss you-
Semper Fi

M Barrett Miller
Let Kids Be Kids, Inc.
 

Aspen-Sharing Knowledge and Saving Lives

   Aspen visits the U. Photo by M Barrett Miller

On Friday 8 February, Barbara Velatequi, Health Teacher at Newport HS, Bellevue, Washington (on left in group photo) brought herAspen students to visit Stella Gran-O' Donnell, MPH, MSW, Ph.D.c, School of Social Work, University of Washington, graduate level class, in order to demonstrate peer education.

The UW students were dazzled by the variety of teaching tools the kids use to teach about Diversity, HIV/AIDS/STI's. They were further impressed by the poise, confidence, knowledge and commitment that these high school students are making to a program that is educating, and saving lives, in their greater community.

Erick Seelbach (center of photo) U.S. Dept of Health, stated that these high school students have the best program in the country.

I agree!!

See my previous articles written after my first, and second, visits with these students. 

 135 students applied for one of the 26 positions on the Aspen team for 2013-2014. After a long review process that number dropped to 105. After more review there were 52 students left in the competition. These remaining students would share their desire to be part of the team in a fifteen minute interview conducted by Ms. Velatequi. (Present team members also go through this process if they want to continue with Aspen from year to year.)
26 sterling students have recently been chosen to represent the school and Aspen. 

Of concern to this wonderful program is present consideration by the state to drop Health Education, as a requirement, in 2017. Hopefully there will be enough outcry in our communities to continue educating our children in ways that honor their need to be truly educated.

* My articles, referenced above, have generated responses from all over the world. Many who write me are health care workers in the third world trying their best to help so many who are sick, or at risk.
They share their wish for any education in their communities.
When they read about young people teaching other young people they are overwhelmingly envious.
Saddly, I inform many who write me that this Aspen program is not the norm and that peer education, or any education, on topics that touch on sexual matters, gender acceptance, needle exchanges, birth control etc. are not allowed in many districts, or in many religious schools, throughout the country.
Until we collectively grow up, and demand better for our kids, we will hear statements similar to the following when one realizes they are infected.
"It just wasn't going to be me!"   

M. Barrett Miller
Let Kids Be Kids, Inc.