Wildlife News - 01 April 2026
"The opportunity of a lifetime for wildlife professionals to discover and name a new species of hoofed mammal has the attention of the North American scientific community. This lightning strike of good fortune was announced recently by a cadre of proud Wyoming biologists and game wardens.
“We knew these elk was different,” Warden Al Phalfa told a crowded press conference during Elk Pandemonia celebrations this week as he and other VIP’s perched atop hay bales. “These just aren’t typical Rocky Mountain Elk. These elk don’t seem to know what snow is. They couldn’t deal with it. Whenever a snowstorm came they were confused, just gave up and died. Had us perplexed fer decades. But we started investigating it scientifically using science.”
“We knew we needed to feed ‘em every winter,” wildlife biologist Jimmy “Hawg” Farmer chimed in. “Could just tell. We’d toss hay bales, and they’d cluster around. And eat them. That’s some of the best science right there,” he said. “My personal theory is these elk musta somehow evolved over months or maybe even years in some sort of protected area where they wasn’t any harsh conditions like snow or predators or nothin’ and they didn’t need to migrate or do much of anything, really.” Despite their long legs similar to the more common Rocky Mountain Elk in many states and provinces, these elk can hardly walk anywhere, he explained. “And they don’t seem to particularly like bushes and grass or nothin’. But they just love hay bales and food pellets. That was the key to showing us they might be a different species.” He shook his head. “Sometimes the scientific answer is the obvious one right in front of your eyes.”
In light of these intensively studied conclusions, the International Committee on Wildlife Taxonomy has proudly awarded the new genus and species designation, Wapiti domesticus, to all the elk on Wyoming’s feedgrounds.
Warden Phalfa told of a particularly ingenious effort to protect the young calves of these now famous elk. “The calves of this unique elk type get sore footed, it’s a fact,” he said. “Whenever we’d bunch 'em up on the feedgrounds, the calves’ hooves would get all infected and swell up and they couldn’t even hardly stand,” he said. “We tried several things, including slinging them up in baby snuggies in the hay barn and force feeding them through tubes. The hay barn looked like a piñata factory. That’s when the little lady here took over,” beaming with pride he nodded toward his wife.
Vaxeen Phalfa stood beside her husband cradling her small Schnauzer-poodle mix in her arms. “As Grand Matron of the Society to Preserve the 1890’s, I just couldn’t allow these precious baby elks to suffer like that. So us ladies got together and stitched up thousands of velour booties to protect their little feets.” It can be a struggle putting them on the calves, she told the audience. “But once we get ‘em on, they perk right up. It’s like a miracle!”
Al Phalfa spoke up. “I just never thought I’d ever see anything cuter than my wife’s Schnoodle,” the crusty old warden choked up. “But when you see a gang of these brave little guys waddling up to the feedwagon with their color coordinated booties on, it makes you feel like you’re making a difference. Getting the new scientific name and all is the proudest moment of my career.”
“There’s nothin’ we won’t do to protect these rare elk,” declared Biologist Farmer. “Now that we got the special name and all, we’re fixin’ to get even more government money to help feed ‘em. We figure the feds oughtta pay for the booties, too.”
For more information contact W.A. Petey, in Brewcella, Wyoming
Editor's Note: For readers unfamiliar with the corruption of the Wyoming Game and Fish Department, this situation is, unfortunately, not a joke. The Wyoming Game and Fish Department runs a network of nearly two dozen elk feedlots in northwestern Wyoming costing about $2,000,000 a year and these elk farming operations are causing widespread disease issues such as the torturous hoof rot seen below. Yes, just try to imagine death from your feet rotting off.
But by far the worst is the prion-based Chronic Wasting Disease (similar to Mad Cow Disease) that not only kills the animals by destroying their brains, but the prions contaminate the ecosystem and remain infectious for decades.
You may ask why would the Wyoming Game and Fish Department do such an unethical and anti-science action. It's because they have embedded themselves deeply up the wazoo of the tiny but powerful livestock and outfitter industries. For this, they are willing to sell out the future of elk and the contamination in the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem. If that is not corruption, I don't know what is.
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